


i'm just a kid and life is a nightmare

by Vanilla_Owns_Chocolate



Series: Moving Forward [4]
Category: Don't Hug Me I'm Scared (Webseries)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anxiety Attacks, Backstory, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Therapy, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-09 19:52:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18644974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanilla_Owns_Chocolate/pseuds/Vanilla_Owns_Chocolate
Summary: Yellow Guy goes to his first therapy session.





	i'm just a kid and life is a nightmare

The place they were in was called a waiting room, but it didn't look like any waiting rooms that Yellow had ever seen before.

Whenever he had to go to the doctor for a check-up (back before he became terrified of doctors, when he had been able to look at health charts and anatomical diagrams without breaking into an anxiety attack), the waiting rooms were bigger and had more people in them. There was always a nice lady behind a desk at the other end of the room, and sometimes there would be those cool slidey toys on the table or a Disney movie on TV or even other kids his age to play with. This waiting room was small, had no toys or television, and there was no one to talk to except Red and Duck, who were sitting on the couch on either side of him.

The only noise was from an old radio that was tuned in to a local station and was playing some contemporary pop songs. There were a few books and magazines on a little table by some of the other chairs, but most of them looked like they were too advanced for him or for kids much younger than he was. Besides, he had never been particularly good at reading.

Duck had told him that this was a good place, a place where they could all go to talk about their problems and get better. Yellow didn't want to talk about his problems. He didn't want to think about them ever again. He wanted them to just go away all on their own so he never had to be reminded of them every day. But Duck was smart, and if Duck said that this was a good place, then he believed him.

Right now, Duck was trying to get him to read one of the books from the table in an attempt to cure his boredom. "So, Yellow, can you read this sentence for me? Can you tell me what's happening without looking at the pictures?"

"Um..." Yellow squinted, trying to make out some of the bigger words on the page. Truthfully, he didn't want to read, but it was better than sitting there and kicking his feet. "The...the cat says 'I'll get you,' and then he p...puh...p-" He glanced up at Duck with pleading eyes.

"Pounces."

"Pounces on the mouse." Yellow fidgeted uncomfortably, somewhat self-conscious about his limited reading skills. Being in the simulation hadn't exactly been the most educational experience, and he hadn't gone to school at all before...well, he didn't want to think about that.

"Very good!" Duck said encouragingly, pointing to the next page. "And what does the mouse do?"

"He..." Yellow focused on the next sentence, his forehead wrinkling in deep concentration. "He tickles the cat's paw with his tail, and the cat lets him go."

"Yes, yes, brilliant!" Duck smiled, patting Yellow's arm affectionately. "You're getting better and better at this, isn't he, Red?"

Red, who had been staring off into space (he had been doing that a lot lately, Yellow noticed, but he said it was because he was "thinking"), replied, "Hm? Uh...yeah, yeah, he is." Then, his voice taking on a much warmer tone, he ruffled Yellow's hair. "Great job, buddy. I'm proud of you."

Yellow laughed; he liked having his hair played with, even if Duck got annoyed by it and would always rush to fix it afterwards. For a moment, he let himself forget where he was, ignoring the strange waiting room and directing his attention toward his caretakers and their praise. Maybe Duck was right. Maybe this was a good place after all.

Then, the sound of a door opening from down the hall alerted them, reminding them all why they had come here in the first place. Despite himself, Yellow felt the familiar sensation of butterflies - no, not butterflies, butterflies were bad, think about something other than butterflies - _something_ in his stomach. Was this the doctor Red and Duck had told him about? Would they have those scary pictures in their room? He knew that this was supposedly a different kind of doctor, but the thought made him nervous nonetheless.

A figure leaned their head - or rather, their eye stalks - into the room. "Hello, I'm looking for a...Yellow Guy Gribbleston?" The figure walked out, revealing themself to be a clump of funny-looking strands of tendrils with two long eyes that stretched out of their head, kind of like a snail. Their mouth was the only thing visible underneath their pale blue tentacle-covered face, and they held a clipboard between two of their appendages. "Is there a Yellow Guy in here?"

Yellow felt his hand get clammy, but Duck gave him a gentle push on the back and nodded in the direction of the new person. "Go on!" he told him. "She's not going to hurt you. She's here to help, remember?"

Yellow looked to Red for reassurance, and he nodded in solemn agreement. Yellow sucked in a deep breath and forced himself to take a step forward and address the newcomer, trying to keep the trembling in his voice to a minimum.

"Um...hello," he said, not making eye contact with the figure, "I'm...my name is Yellow Guy."

The person smiled and got closer, surveying the three of them with an analytical glance. "I see! And are these your parents?"

Yellow tilted his head, confused, but an awkward cough from Red directed his attention. "Um...not exactly. We just look after him."

"Yes," Duck confirmed, an apologetic smile on his beak, "it's a long story. I'm sure you'll understand during the 'session,' as you call it, am I correct?"

The figure chuckled. "That is the term, yes." She knelt down to get a better look at Yellow and offered him another smile, this one much more comforting. "Hi there. I'm Dr. Cephys, and I'm here to help you and your, um, caregivers. Do you know what that means?"

Yellow tried to remember what Duck had told him about what would happen. "You're gonna talk to us and help us get better?"

"Well, that's the goal," Dr. Cephys said, "but in order for that to happen, I need to know if you're okay with this. Is there anything you need before we get started? Perhaps you want one of them to come with you?" She nodded in the direction of Red and Duck, who were watching the exchange with interest.

Yellow swallowed hard, pausing to consider his options. Normally, he hated being alone, especially since this person was a stranger. He had developed somewhat of an apprehension toward strangers since June 19th, but this one seemed nice enough, and Red and Duck looked like they trusted her. Besides, he thought, he had to be brave if he wanted to get better. He was brave. He could be brave for them, for this nice lady, if he really wanted to. So, biting back his anxiety, he mumbled, "No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He wasn't, not really, but he told himself he had to be brave.

Dr. Cephys studied him for a moment, obviously detecting the hesitance in his voice. "Alright, but if you ever decide that you've changed your mind or you want somebody to come in, you just let me know, okay?"

"Okay."

Dr. Cephys gave a small nod to Red and Duck, who nodded in response. Yellow turned around and saw them wave at him as he was lead down the hall by the doctor, and he waved back with a little more confidence. He would be okay. If they believed he would be okay, then he would be okay.

"So, tell me a little bit about yourself, Yellow," Dr. Cephys said casually, "do you go to school? Do you have any hobbies? Friends?"

Yellow twiddled his fingers nervously as he was lead into another room. He didn't bother to look up yet, as he was still feeling a bit shy. "Uh, I don't go to school, but Duck teaches me at home." He pondered over the next question - did he have any hobbies? Before, he had liked to draw, but ever since June 19th, he couldn't look at a blank piece of paper or a box of crayons without flinching. "And, um, I don't know if I have any hobbies. I like to read and play board games sometimes."

Dr. Cephys nodded encouragingly. "That's nice! And what about friends? Do you have any?"

Yellow hummed in thought as he sat on the couch, taking a minute to look around the room as he did so. There were a few bookshelves lining parts of the walls and a desk right by the door, along with a few paintings hung up here and there. They weren't the scary ones that other doctors had in their offices; these were pictures of landscapes or splashes of colors mixed together.

"Yellow?"

Yellow was brought back to reality by the doctor's inquiring tone. "Oh! I have two friends. I have Red and Duck." He paused for a moment, his eyes widening in realization. "And my dad! I'm friends with my dad!" He smiled. It had been a long time since he thought about his father.

"Really?" Dr. Cephys jots something down on her clipboard and gives Yellow a steady gaze, watching him intently. "And where is your dad? I didn't see him in the waiting room."

Yellow's face fell. Where _was_ his dad? Red and Duck never told him. They said they didn't know, but that he shouldn't worry about him because he was a bad person. But Yellow knows he's not a bad person. He's not, he's not, he's not.

"My dad is...somewhere," Yellow said (because he had to be somewhere, he technically isn't lying if he says that). "But he'll come back. Red and Duck say he won't, though."

"Have they said why?" Dr. Cephys tapped her clipboard with her pen before writing down a few more words.

Yellow's brow furrowed in mild distress. "They're probably lying, but they told me that he's bad and wanted to hurt us. They said..." He felt himself trembling ever so slightly, but he forces himself to stop because he had to be brave, he told himself he would be brave. "They said that he's the one who trapped us, but I know that's not true. My dad is my friend."

"Hmm." Dr. Cephys went silent for a while, examining Yellow with a mixture of intrigue and concern. "This is your first session, so I'm not going to force you to talk about all the heavy stuff right away if you don't want to. For now, I want you to tell me a little more about your dad."

Yellow tilted his head. "You don't want me to talk about the bad stuff?"

"Not yet, unless you want to."

Yellow sighed, relieved. "No, no, I don't want to. I don't want to think about it ever again." He shuddered, memories flooding back to him as he fought to suppress them. "I just want my dad. I want him to come back."

"I know," Dr. Cephys said, her voice calm and soothing, "I know. Just tell me about him for now. You don't have to focus on anything else for now, okay?"

"Okay," Yellow said, "okay." He closed his eyes, concentrating on his memories, memories of what everything was like before, before the simulation, before the terror, before the teachers and the lessons and the singing. His mind went back, back to the earliest point in time that he could remember, and he spoke.

"My dad was the first friend I ever had."

* * *

_He's just a little boy, and has no mummy, only his dad._

_He loves his dad. His dad is good and nice and happy and Yellow is only three years old but he knows that he loves his dad, he loves him very very much._

_He isn't sure where his mummy is, but that doesn't concern him because he's happy with just his dad. Dad talks to him sometimes and gives him food when he gets hungry if he asks enough times and locks the door when he goes to sleep so he can be safe. Sometimes Yellow doesn't like having the door locked because he gets scary dreams or has to go to the bathroom, but Dad tells him it's for his own safety, so he trusts him because he loves his dad and his dad is his friend and he loves him, too._

_His dad spends most of his time in his room or watching the TV, but he looks after Yellow when he wants to and Yellow is grateful for that because he's always so hungry and lonely so he loves his dad for giving him food and company when he needs it, most of the time._

_He doesn't know that he's supposed to have a mummy until Dad tells him that he's supposed to have a mummy. Yellow asks who is Mummy and why is she not here but Dad says she's gone and she can't come back and Yellow asks why but Dad says she just can't because Yellow took her away when she had him. Yellow doesn't know what he did because he can't remember being had, but he feels sorry for upsetting his dad so much because he loves his dad and his dad is his friend and he loves him, too._

_Sometimes, Red and Duck come over to talk to him and play with him and take care of him. Yellow likes them a whole lot but not as much as his dad. Red and Duck ask him if he's okay a lot, but he tells them he is, and just because he gets hungry sometimes and doesn't have a lot of people to talk to doesn't mean he feels bad. He has his dad and his dad takes care of him when he feels like it and Yellow's only four years old so he doesn't think about the things his dad is doing behind closed doors when he can't see him, when nobody can see him, because he always says don't come in my room I'm busy working on something and Yellow obeys because he loves his dad and his dad is his friend and he loves him, too._

_Red and Duck don't seem to understand this. They knock on Dad's door and ask him to come out in loud voices and Yellow has to cover his ears sometimes because he doesn't like it when their voices get loud. His dad's voice gets loud sometimes and that always means he's going to get hit and Yellow doesn't want to get hit, he wants to be with his dad. But Red and Duck don't leave him alone, they pound and pound on the door and tell him come out, come out this instant, can't you see your five-year-old son needs you?_

_Yellow does need his dad but he doesn't need Red and Duck to tell him that because his dad already knows. He doesn't understand why they have to tell him something he knows over and over again in such loud voices and why they ask to know what he's working on in there. Yellow kind of wants to know too but whenever he gets too close to his dad's room he gets pulled back by the ear and locked in his room again and sometimes he might not get any dinner at all, but Red and Duck don't listen to his warnings._

_But Red and Duck seem to think that he needs help, even though he doesn't, he has his dad, he's okay, so one day they pick him up and march toward the door, ignoring the yelling and screaming coming from his dad. Come back here, he says in the loud voice, come back here this instant, you traitors, you don't own him, he doesn't belong to you, he needs to pay for what he's done._

_Yellow is crying because he doesn't want to go, he doesn't want to leave his dad, but Red and Duck are saying don't cry, don't cry, you're coming with us where you'll be safe and cared for and loved, and we're going to call somebody to take your dad away so he can't hurt you anymore. But Yellow doesn't want his dad to be taken away. He loves his dad and his dad is his friend and he loves him, too, and he's only six years old and it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair it's not-_

_And then suddenly, he hears a banging from his dad's room, the room where he was told never to go, and he sees something - a big machine, he thinks, but it's not like any machine he's ever seen before - and his dad says no, no, you can't leave, I won't let you leave, and then there's a flash of light and all sorts of colors and everything is changing and he's scared, he's so scared but Red and Duck are here and they've got him and he can hear his dad's voice saying now I've got you, now you can't leave, everything is going to be alright now, and he loves his dad and his dad is his friend and he loves him too so it's okay it's okay it's okay and what was he thinking about what's going on where is he what is this place everything is so pretty and soft and wonderful and he can't remember anything all he knows is that he's here with his friends and everything is so colorful and nice and there are people who want to sing to him and tell him about things and he listens because he wants to learn, he has to learn and and and and_

_It's June 19th, and he's six years old._

* * *

Of course, Yellow didn't get very far before he broke down. He didn't want to remember that night, the night of June 19th, and Dr. Cephys seemed to understand that. She let him cry, murmuring reassurances and telling him that everything was okay, that he was here now, that he was fine and whole and safe and okay.

"I'm sorry," Yellow sobbed, "I'm sorry, I don't want to, I don't want to talk about it!"

"That's fine," Dr. Cephys whispered, "that's fine. You did good, you did very, very good. I'm proud of you."

She handed him tissues, which he accepted without a second thought. He wiped his face furiously, still crying into the fabric, but focusing more and more on the feeling of the soft tissues on his face, in his hands, and letting that dominate his mind instead of-

No, no, no, he told himself, he said he didn't want to think about it so he wouldn't. He wouldn't, even though it was still pricking at the corners of his mind. Dr. Cephys was there, and outside, in the waiting room, Red and Duck were there, and he was safe. He was _safe._

"Do you want me to get your caretakers?" Dr. Cephys asked. Yellow nodded, and Dr. Cephys got up and went out of the room, returning just seconds later with Red and Duck in tow.

Immediately, Duck raced over to wrap Yellow in a hug. "Oh, dear, don't cry! It's okay, we're here now, see? We won't let anything hurt you, will we, Red?"

Red nodded, plopping down on the couch to hug Yellow's other side. "Nope. You're safe with us."

Yellow was still trembling, but he felt his body relax upon being embraced by his friends. He was okay. He was safe and protected and everything would be fine. He would be fine. They were all going to be fine.

They sat like that for a long time, and Yellow's breathing slowly got more and more relaxed. There were still tears running down his face, but they were coming less frequently, and he didn't feel as scared or vulnerable as he had earlier. He felt stronger now that his friends were with him. He felt secure. He felt loved.

"Are we okay to continue the session, or would you like to stop now?" Dr. Cephys piped up, sensing that the tension had now melted enough for her to speak up. Red and Duck looked at Yellow inquiringly.

"Can we...talk about something else?" he asked, his voice slightly hoarse from crying. Dr. Cephys nodded.

"Yes. We can talk about whatever you want. This session is about you, after all."

Yellow glanced from side to side, seeking assurance in his friend's eyes. Duck was smiling, and though Red's face was obscured by his hair, Yellow could tell he was smiling, too. He took a deep breath, letting go of their hands and sitting up straight.

"Okay. I think...I think I wanna go on." He hesitated, looking back and forth between his caretakers. "But can they stay here with me?"

"Of course." Dr. Cephys smiled, raising her clipboard yet again. "Whatever you want."

Yellow sighed in relief, linking his arms with Red and Duck. They gave him a light squeeze, and when Red reached down to mess with Yellow's hair, Duck didn't even fuss over it like he normally did. Instead, he merely leaned against him, his feathers tickling Yellow's neck.

Yellow felt his heart calm down as he looked back up at Dr. Cephys, feeling braver than he had when he had first come in. Maybe, he thought, just maybe, this really was a good place after all.

"Alright," he said, "I'm ready to keep going."

* * *

The session was considerably more lighthearted after that, Yellow having preferred to change topics to his daily life and some of his favorite things to do. Occasionally, Duck would chime in with some words of clarification, but for the most part, the talking was almost completely limited to Yellow, with a question from Dr. Cephys here and there.

When the session was over, Yellow felt as if a weight in his chest had been partially lifted. Aside from the breakdown, the whole thing had been relatively pleasant. Dr. Cephys had told him that they could move forward a little bit at a time as he came back to visit her more, and Red and Duck had scheduled him for another appointment soon. Yellow couldn't wait; he liked Dr. Cephys. He didn't know why, but he trusted her.

"I say," Duck proclaimed as they got back into the car, "that went remarkably well. I told you this would be good for us!"

Yellow nodded, clapping his hands excitedly. "Yeah! I like her! She's a really nice lady!"

"Certainly," Duck agreed, "and next week, I'll be seeing her all by myself. And maybe..." He turned to look at Red, a hopeful glance in his eyes. Red fidgeted uneasily, tapping the steering wheel.

"We'll see," he said, "for now, I'll just let you guys have her. That sort of thing isn't for me."

Duck sighed, buckled his seatbelt, and shook his head. "Suit yourself."

Yellow didn't understand what they were talking about, but he didn't think about it too much. He was too busy gazing out the window at the moving scenery, his mind racing with thoughts of his new friend. Could he call her a friend? She seemed like she wanted to be his friend. Yes, he decided, she was his friend. Just like Red and Duck and-

He stopped himself before he could finish the thought. For some reason, he found himself unable to compare his other friends to his father. He still loved his dad, and he had full confidence that he would come back someday, but a part of him didn't want to dwell on that prospect for too long. For now, he was happy with the friends he currently had. Maybe when his dad came back, he would understand.

But that was in the future. For now, he let his eyes close, the movement of the car lulling him to sleep. When was the last time he had taken a nap? He was too tired to remember. Instead, he let his dreams carry him away, oblivious to the excited whisper of "Red, _look!_ He's actually _sleeping!_ " from Duck.

Duck...that's right, it was his turn next week, wasn't it? In his last moments of consciousness, Yellow hoped that everything would go well, that Duck would like Dr. Cephys and maybe even become her friend too, and then they would all be friends. And maybe, just maybe, Red could join in, and the four of them could be one big troupe of friendship.

So, letting these thoughts comfort him, he drifted off, a faint smile making its way across his face.

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: the waiting room is actually based on the waiting room in my therapists office bc im unoriginal


End file.
